Helping You Reach the Stars

Empathic Counseling, Relationship & Transformational Astrology…for the Soul
 

How Do YOU Communicate in Relationships?

Getting our point across in everyday conversation with family, friends, co-workers, customers and with the person on the street can be challenging enough.  But, oftentimes, many of us find that communicating with a Significant Other is nearly impossible.  Why?  Does it always have to be this way? Not if you learn your Zodiac Compatibility Signs  and how to navigate around and through verbal and other tricky areas.

The fact is, we each communicate differently.  Depending on the sign in which our Mercury – the planet of communication – falls, it may be either easy or difficult to communicate with another.  That is, when one person’s Mercury is square, opposite or even quincunx (or inconjunct) another’s, communication can be downright frustrating if not nearly non-existent, regardless of the type of relationship.

In astrology, the distance between signs or planets is referred to as an ‘aspect.’  An aspect can be beneficial – as in a sextile or trine and sometimes a conjunct – or it can be challenging – as in a square, opposition or quincunx.  Challenging aspects make it more difficult to communicate, and thus require more effort on the part of both individuals.

However, where Significant Others are concerned, more is usually involved than just the sign in which your Mercury falls.  As with Sun Signs, there is far more to a person’s birth chart than the sign in which Mercury makes its appearance.  And, especially where Significant Others are concerned, taking into account the signs in which the Moon, Venus, Mars and Pluto fall, are just as important.

The Other ‘Communication’ Signs

Mercury, as was mentioned, represents communication.  However, there are four other planets that represent different types of communication, but which are just as important when interacting in (especially) intimate relationships.

The Moon signifies our deepest emotional needs; Venus, our values and love nature; Mars our passion; and Pluto our sexual nature.  Because we are generally more deeply and intimately involved with our intimate partners than with others, it is necessary to take into consideration all the other aspects of how we interact than the Mercury sign alone; because while Mercury signifies our verbal communication style, the Moon ‘communicates’ the way we emote, Venus the way we love, etc.

For instance, if one person’s Mercury is in Virgo and the other’s is in Gemini or Pisces, each will be square or opposite to the other, respectively.  In other words, they will have difficulty communicating. 

Likewise, if one person’s Venus is in Taurus and the other’s is in Libra, the love styles of each will be quincunx to the other, and thus, it’s unlikely they’ll see eye-to-eye on how to express the way they love (in spite of the fact that Venus rules both of these signs), which can create problems. 

Oftentimes, what happens with a quincunx is that while there is generally quite a bit of friction, the individuals involved usually do think in fairly similar ways. However, because they each formulate and verbalize the same thoughts a bit differently, they also have a difficult time communicating those thoughts in a way that is understandable to the other, hence giving each other the impression that they have differing views. 

How are Beneficial or Challenging Aspects Differentiated?

Before being able to uncover your partner’s primary and secondary communication signs, you’ll need to know his or her birth date, birth time and birth location.  The birth time, in particular is important in determining the exact Moon placement. Any good ephemeris, or table of chronological listings of planetary positions will have this information.

Next, determine the sign in which your partner’s Mercury falls and how it aspects your’s.  Once you are armed with this information, it’s relatively easy to determine how your planets aspect your partner’s by consulting any compatibility chart such as the chart found on my website.

Most compatible and least compatible Mercury* Communication Signs

* The compatibility factor is the same between all signs; In other words, if your Venus, Mars or any other planet falls in Aries, then your least compatible sign will be Libra.

You may have noticed that each of the signs is not listed with the two other signs with which it is most compatible.  In other words, Aries is not shown as being one of the ‘Most Compatible Signs’ for Aries.  This is because someone born under, Aries (for example) would be conjunct with someone born under the same sign.  Conjuncts are often beneficial, but sometimes they can create competition and other types of friction, because the two individuals are so similar.  The ‘Most Compatible Signs’ are those signs which are trine or 120 degrees apart from each other.  There is a fluidity or an ease in their interaction with each other which is not found in the interactions between signs of differing aspects; therefore they are most compatible.

Aspect Definitions

Aspects – or the number of degrees between planets or signs are defined as follows, from most beneficial to most challenging:

Merely knowing your’s and your partner’s various signs, of course, is no guarantee that you will communicate with ease.  Even those whose combined geometric planetary make-up consists of mainly trines and sextiles, may experience difficulties.  But knowing what to do when you do experience those difficulties can be the difference between a two-lane dirt road with a stop sign at every intersection and a four-lane, high speed interstate.

Obviously then, the compatibility of your Sun Sign is no guarantee that you will be compatible in any other area.  So what do you do to ensure that your road to communicating effectively is as free of ‘pot-holes,’ bumps and traffic jams as possible?

Repaving the Communication Road

Understanding how your partner thinks and acts, the ways in which he or she loves and the ways in which she or he feels, is paramount to effective communication.  But, again, this is not all that’s involved.  It also requires acting on that knowledge. 

I can hear many men – and possibly some women, as well – balking at the thought of allowing anyone to know anything more about them than what they’re willing to divulge.  Or, shudder at the thought of playing ‘therapist,’ when their partner’s deepest feelings are the last thing they want to understand.   But think about it: what is really important to you? Keeping secrets and walking away when your partner wishes to talk?  Or having a loving, caring person who is there for you when you need a shoulder and wish to share your thoughts?  If this doesn’t interest you, then being in a relationship is probably not the best place for you.  However, if this sounds like something you might wish to pursue, then the suggestions elaborated on in this article might be worth considering.

When we truly care about someone, we will make every effort to make things work.  And make no mistake:  any relationship is work.   While men find it a bit more difficult to share their feelings or generally don’t even want to know how their partner feels about any given thing, they usually find that when they make the effort to do so, their relationships function much more smoothly.  They also find that having their own needs and desires understood and met, takes the relationship to a whole new, positive and much more enjoyable level.

Is your partner’s Mercury in Gemini?  Read up on current events and the latest development in physics, he or she will be absolutely enthralled.  Is her Venus in Leo?  Give her flowers and tell her how beautiful she is and you’ll have her eating out of your hand.  Is his Pluto in Scorpio?  Learn all the latest sexual innovations and buy lots of toys and you’ll be his lover forever.

Conversely, it is necessary to know when and where to draw the line.  If your partner absolutely does not wish to communicate, honor his or her wishes.  It is far better to keep the peace by allowing things to remain as they are, than to force an issue that can only end up causing dissention and possibly the end of the relationship.  Respecting your partner’s wishes is another essential aspect of effective communication.  Listening and being considerate are yet others.  If you truly love your partner, you will want to do everything you can – within reason, of course – to ensure that your relationship is as positive and loving for him or her as it is for you. 

* * * * *

Making an effort to communicate with your loved one is only the beginning.  Love is a two-way street.  There can’t be real lasting or true love without at least making an effort to understand what makes your sweetie tick.  Doing so, however, also requires compromise; a little give and take, especially when each of you may be so different that those differences can cause chasms of misunderstanding, and ultimately, division.  Being willing to meet your partner halfway, or give up something you’d like to do, so that your partner can have the pleasure of experiencing something that she or he would like to do, is an excellent way to get to know and love each other even more deeply. 

© 2007 Kat Starwolf  All Rights Reserved

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Kat Starwolf is a practicing astrologer, researcher, metaphysician and avid reader and writer of poetry, short stories, and songs and is in the process of completing various writing projects, including two novels.   She may be contacted at 400 Capital Circle SE, Suite 18-255, Tallahassee, Florida USA  32301; by phone at 850-980-0250 or at her website http://www.starwolfastrology.com.

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